Anti - Others [:] Me - Anti

Hiatus after my last blog. Was down. Feeling off. Reason: I thought too much of others. I help others, I care for others, I compare with others, I listen for others, I criticise for others, I thought for others. I listen to others. I'm a Mr Nice Guy. Overly considerate for others but not Me. Feeling dysfunctional. I'm I a thank you seeker? Yes I thought, yet no one really does say thank you or sorry. I'm a punch bag. It's a fault I allow others to vent. Do I gossip about others? Yes. Do i criticise others? Yes. Positive and negative actions all about others.

Fuck this ^.


Me put too much of others in me, me seldom put Me in others

No more I for others, its gonna me for Me and Him. Damn humans. Me need to remember me have the touch of Midas. Me + Him can do wondrous things. Thank you Leon for word slap me. Me can see now.

Above and Beyond

Friends+ = Network

12th May, saturday. Today went out to meet Dorris's friends, Haruna and Yuka. By now I realise, without knowing Dorris, I would not meet Yukiko, Maggie, Michelle, Aya, Kaori, Helme, Yuka and Haruna. And Dorris would not meet Leon, Jebaz, Guan Yu and Zu Jian. And I know Dorris because of Canbara classes, which was introduce by Daryl. Somehow, through Daryl, my network expended. For this I must say thank you Daryl. I realise from primary school, secondary school and poly, life for me is a grey affair. I'm a boring type of person when young, always dwell in books, doesn't get involve in groups, doesn't really crave or care to establish a connection with my friends, or shall I say, classmates. Looking back, I don't have any neighbourhood friends too, not like joining strangers to play football or basketball. Nor have I establish any church friends although I used to attend church every Sunday. And then computer games and mmorpgs infected my poly and 21 -22 year old life. In sort, in my pass 22 years, I never bother to reach out, see the streets, get to know more people that I should and progressing my verbal conversation skills. And if there is any regret that bore out from a mistake is this: I never keep in touch with a girl I like in church when I was 14. And now I didn't keep in touch with samuel and yashin from secondary school. All in all, committing to friends was a drain to me in the past, I keep deflecting the notion to bond with my friends. But now, it seems like something fresh is blooming , my social network, I really like it yet this feeling of giving back joy to my social 'network' doesn't seem to be happening. I need a character change in me. Oh going back to the meeting, Haruna is interesting because she studied 2-3 foreign languages, theres a certain attraction of her jovial and ease, Yuka is marvelous looking but extruding a quiet aura that makes me again,like before for Aya and Kaori, wants to strike up interesting and stimulation healthy conversations with her. Its a fun night, in a 'meet new people' way :) now its 1:09 AM May 14, Haurna and Yuka are going back to Japan, through that short meeting, somehow sparks a desire to know more of them, what a slight forlorn feeling.

(?)

Didn't blog the past few days, nothing much happen. Went out with Leon again to skip class, apparently learnt about something positive happen to him. Well it was all cheery, we went to eat at Liekthai at Marine Square. The food is good, however, strangely, it is not filling. Later at that day, something grey demands Leon to be in servitude. Then it gets dark. Leon's effort to buoy afloat gets weight down by rude behaviour. Hope you can cut the kite's string Leon.

I'm so bless ;)

Today got a conversation with Leon concerning first about x-men then to relationships. Upon relationships we talked about the ideal partner, the personal preferences of his and mine when looking for a wife. Then we had a debate about is there a relationship where there's no quarrelling. His stand is there's no relationship that quarrelling is non-existent, mine is there will occasionally be tensions but a couple can solve it without quarrelling. After which we settled that he have his own view, i have mine. Alone in the train I thought a lot about not what we discussed but I'm actually counting my blessings, in addition reading the book titled Dating with Pure Passion by Rob Eagar. I don't know how to express this, but I feel, and still feeling happy( not those feelings of happiness that gratifies a short while but an elated feeling of assurance and knowing that my path is laid out perfectly by Lord.) Septics might laugh at this, believing in the capabilities of man, and would laugh at this cliche phrase of 'my path is laid perfectly by Lord.' But only I know, because all the blessings unto me are invisible. Sometimes I feel like telling people about mine. Yet wisdom prevails that those who wants to listen eventually will, and the people of the world choose not to accept the enjoyment that the children of Abraham have.

I've accepted and see. its so [!+^O^+:D].